Pizza the Cat
Pizza the Cat was selected for the Middletown Arts Center's One-Act play festival in 2022.
by Eric Craft
Characters:
Jess – A single mom in her forties.
Maddie – Her young teenage daughter.
Diana – Jessie’s work friend
Time – The Present
Place - Jessie and Mads’ townhome.
​
Act One
Scene One
Jessie’s home. A dining room table with keys, hand sanitizer, half-done laundry, and a hefty but loosely organized pile of mail. In the kitchen, well maintained builder’s grade cabinets and granite countertops that still have today’s team of cleaning supplies out and about. In all, the place screams Divorced Mom vibes. JESSIE enters with a ball of yarn, a bowl, and a little toy fish, and makes them a place of honor in the center of the table. She excitedly pours a little bit of milk into the bowl. She keeps checking the time, then looks out the window, sees something, and runs into position so the table is on display in front of her. Enter MADDIE.
JESSIE
Hi Honey!
MADDIE
Hey.
She walks past.
JESSIE
How was your day?
MADDIE
It was okay. I guess.
JESSIE
That’s nice.
MADDIE
Mhmm…I’m gonna go do my homework.
She starts to exit.
JESSIE
Wait! I have something to tell you.
MADDIE
Okay.
JESSIE
Could you sit down please?
MADDIE
I someone dead?
JESSIE
No, it’s—
MADDIE
Is it grandma or grandpa?
JESSIE
All your grandparents are fine.
MADDIE
Are you dating someone? Like is there a man waiting in the bathroom?
JESSIE
What?
MADDIE
It’s not Dad.
JESSIE
God No! Sorry, we love your father. Sit! Please.
MADDIE
Fine. What’s for dinner?
She sits. JESSIE points at the objects on the table.
JESSIE
Guess what?
MADDIE
What am I looking at? Are we having fish?
JESSIE
What do you see?
MADDIE
A fish?
JESSIE
And?
MADDIE
Yarn and milk? Are we knitting for a cow? I don’t…
JESSIE
Okay.
She sits.
JESSIE
Mads. I don’t think you know my friend Di from work. Well, her cousin has a cat who they didn’t know was pregnant and so they woke up one morning and discovered she had a litter of five kittens! So they’ve been looking for homes for these cats and I said we would take one.
A silence.
MADDIE
(growing upset)
What?
JESSIE
We’re gonna get a cat.
Another silence as MADDIE starts to cry.
MADDIE
No…no no…no no no no no no…
JESSIE
Maddie, what’s the matter?
MADDIE
I DON’T WANT A CAT!
JESSIE
But you’ve been asking for a cat for years.
MADDIE
I don’t want one anymore! I don’t want a cat. I can’t take care of one!
JESSIE
Sure you can, I got litter and wet food.
MADDIE
Stop it.
JESSIE
What’s really going on?
MADDIE
Nothing!
JESSIE
Did something happen at school?
​
MADDIE
No.
JESSIE
Are those girls being mean to you again?
MADDIE
No!
JESSIE
Is it a boy?
MADDIE catapults from the table.
MADDIE
NO! Oh my god!
JESSIE
I’m sorry, I just don’t understand where this is coming from! Let me help you!
MADDIE
I’m just sad today! Can’t I just have a bad day and not have a reason for it? And not have to pretend like I’m happy just so you can feel better?!
JESSIE
Fine. Fine. I was thinking of getting pizza for dinner.
MADDIE
Okay.
JESSIE
What would you want?
MADDIE
I don’t know what I want! Plain, pepperoni I don’t care!
JESSIE
I am just asking a question!
MADDIE
Why didn’t you talk to me?!
JESSIE
Wh- You don’t talk to me! You come home every day and it’s just “hey” and then up to your room! How do you think that makes me feel?
MADDIE
Just order pepperoni!
The doorbell rings.
JESSIE
Oh…
We see DIANA outside holding a carrier. She begins to poke her head in.
DIANA
Hey hey he-
JESSIE shoves her outside and closes the door.
JESSIE
Maddie doesn’t want the cat.
DIANA
I live an hour and a half away.
JESSIE
I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s upset about something and she won’t tell me and she doesn’t want the cat but she’s wanted the cat for years. Don’t let her see!
MADDIE pokes her head out.
MADDIE
Mom?
JESSIE
I forgot I already ordered the pizza is all.
DIANA
Yes. I’m the pizza guy.
MADDIE
And that cat?
DIANA
That’s pizza.
A long silence.
MADDIE
I want to go to dad’s.
She enters back into the home.
DIANA
Do you want me to help?
JESSIE
I’m so confused, she doesn’t behave like this I don’t know what I did.
DIANA
Breathe. Here, I literally have a kitten to calm you down.
DIANA enters the home. MADDIE has her back to the door.
MADDIE
I don’t want to talk to you.
DIANA
I’m not Jessie.
MADDIE
Oh. I guess you’re Di?
DIANA
Diana. I work with your mom. You don’t really know me, but I know you. Your mom tells me so much about you. About your interest in photography, the shows you two watch together, even stuff that, frankly, I have no business knowing. Like the bullying and how you handled the divorce. She tells me a lot about you because she doesn’t know how to care for you anymore. You’re thirteen?
MADDIE
Fourteen.
DIANA
She’s having a very hard time. And clearly, you both face difficulty in being honest with yourself. She is just as confused as you are, but she won’t tell you that because she’s afraid you’ll realize she’s just another human being, and not Mom the all powerful. She didn’t tell you about the cat, did she?
MADDIE
No.
DIANA
Adopting a pet is a big change, and you have already been forced to deal with big changes. I don’t think it was fair for her to withhold this from you. And also, she told me that she told you, so she lied to my face and I don’t appreciate that.
​
MADDIE
That sounds like her.
DIANA
She’s funny though. Your mom.
MADDIE
She’s so stupid. She tried to break the news to me by laying out this yarn and stuff.
DIANA
Oh that! With the m-m-m-milk?! That’s hilarious! The little fish too!
MADDIE
Oh my god…
DIANA laughs up a storm, prompting JESSIE to enter with the cat in hand.
JESSIE
Hey…
DIANA
What is this riddle you tried to set up?
JESSIE
What? I was very excited!
DIANA
You’re too much, Jess! Absolute crazy woman. Anyway I gotta go feed the meter.
JESSIE
It’s free parking in this complex.
DIANA
I need you to talk to your daughter. I’ll be back for the little guy.
She exits.
MADDIE
You told her that I knew about the cat.
JESSIE
She wouldn’t let me adopt him otherwise, and I wanted it to be a surprise.
MADDIE
I hate surprises.
JESSIE
Since when?
MADDIE
Since the surprise divorce. I know I’m a teenager but I’m not, like, hard to figure out.
JESSIE
I should’ve known that.
MADDIE
I didn’t say it.
JESSIE
Oh god…I just feel embarrassed now. I know how much you’ve grown, I see it, I’m there. I’m there for you. I am here. For you. I just choose to ignore it and I don’t know why. You’re old enough to be part of the conversation.
MADDIE
But if I’m part of the conversation, will you still take care of me sometimes? Will you tell me everything will be alright?
At this point they are hugging.
JESSIE
Of course, of course. But you’re old enough now I can’t force you to believe it. I won’t tell you how to feel anymore.
MADDIE
Well, I’ll be sure to tell you how I feel then.
The doorbell rings. DIANA pokes her head in.
​
DIANA
Hey, is this a good time? I’m going to take the little guy back?
MADDIE looks at her mom.
JESSIE
I’m not going to manipulate you either way, it’s entirely your decision. I have the receipts from the pet store.
MADDIE
Do you have other people who might adopt him? Will he go to a shelter otherwise?
DIANA
I am not telling you that. Do you want the cat or not?
MADDIE
His name is Pizza.
END OF PLAY.